Lady Gaga hasn’t had a hit in a while so she’s talking about her vagina to get press.

Listen up. It’s official…. I HATE LADY GAGA.

Don’t get me wrong…I enjoy her pop anthems (Bad Romance, Paparazzi, Just Dance) just as much as the next person. They’re contagious and hard to dislike. But I’m not a fan-girl, I don’t pay exhorbatent amounts of money to attend her concerts, I don’t consider myself a “monster,” and I hate her as a person. Just because I like (ok, love) a few of her songs doesn’t mean every interview of hers that I read doesn’t make me die a little inside. Here’s a perfect example:

This month she covered Harper’s Bazaar Magazine, and is doing a SUPER TRY HARD at getting press. Her latest single, Born This Way, hasn’t received a ton of radio play and is obviously not a smash hit like her prior singles. Yes, it’s doing well on iTunes, but I’m under the belief it’s only doing that well because the people who liked her previous songs all rushed out to buy this one, thinking it would be the same as her Fame Monster album. WRONG. It blows. Here’s a snippet of the interview:

“I had all these number-one records, and I had sold all these albums, and it was sort of this turning point: Am I going to try and embrace Hollywood and assimilate to that culture?” Suffice to say, it didn’t work out. “I put my toe in that water, and it was a Kegel-exercise vaginal reaction where I clenched and had to retract immediately.”

She “had all these number one records.” KEY WORD: HAD. Not have. Had. Which is why she tried super hard to use the word “vagina” in a completely unrelated question. What normal person goes from the question “How do you like Hollywood?” to “KEGAL EXERCISE”? Exactly. NO NORMAL PERSON DOES THAT. That is the worst metaphor ever. Also, how is being best friends with one of the meanest, most Hollywood people out there (Perez Hilton) “not working out?” I’m convinced the only reason they’re friends is because he has helped further her career. If we were in an alternate universe and they were two regular people, Gaga would not like Perez.

Here are my other two favorite parts. She was asked what matters to her as an artist:

“What means something to me is my music, I don’t want to make money; I want to make a difference.”

BAHAHAHAHA. What a joke. That’s why you charge upwards of $100 for the worst tickets to your concerts? Ummm, yeah, about that. The interviewer then asked her how long those stupid-ass bumps on her face take to apply. Here’s her response:

‘They’re not prosthetic. They’re my bones.’ Asked when they appeared, Gaga replies, ‘They’ve always been inside of me, but I have been waiting for the right time to reveal to the universe who I truly am.’ So, did she will them to come out for this album? ‘They come out when I’m inspired.’ Is she worried that this new look will inspire other people to ‘grow’ similar bones? ‘We all have these bones,’ she says, tersely. ‘They’re the light from inside of us.’

How long until those stupid bumps appear in her online merchandise store? I’m guessing 6 months. It is 100% about the money. And her whole “walk down a red carpet in a womb” and “these are my bones and they’re the light from inside of us” gig has got tuh go. OVER IT.

4 responses

  1. Di

    I do agree with most of what you say, meaning her songs are catchy and if you´re out partying with your friends her songs do seem to start up a party. I do want to tell you that the cost of tickets is not really up to the artist, so you can´t really blame them for high priced tickets so stick with what you know and make sure you have an informed opinion

    April 13, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    • Hey Di, thanks for the comments. I do disagree with what you said, though. New artists on tour might not have much say in ticket costs, lighting, set lists, etc, because it’s usually micromanaged by their label, but an established artist like Gaga has much more influence in their own tour. They also make most of their money off their own tours and receive a large portion of each ticket. But if the demand is high, they will agree to have the ticket price go up. Plain and simple, it ends up being about money.

      April 13, 2011 at 3:25 PM

  2. Valerie Conn

    I totally agree. Gaga is old news.

    April 13, 2011 at 5:04 PM

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