Lindsay Lohan thought she should’ve been cast instead of Natalie Portman in Black Swan. Let that sink in for a minute.

Instead of an interview, PLUM Magazine publishes career assassination article on Lindsay Lohan. Are we sure this was written by a journalist, not a sniper? LOL. It’s pretty awesome though. I guess right before Linsday Lohan went to jail in May she agreed to an interview with PLUM Magazine. Prep for the interview was the journalist following her around for a few days. After the “shadowing” portion ended, Jacquelynn D. Powers (the writer) says, “I never got my interview. My associates and I were exhausted from the constant demands, drama, outbursts, cancellations and tsoris from the Lohan clique.”

Plum covered all Lindsay’s expenses, including airfare for her and her family/entourage, lodging at the iconic Raleigh hotel in the penthouse suite and all transportation costs.” So instead of scrapping the article completely, the writer decided to talk about her crazy antics. I LOVE IT. Via MSNBC:

As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, ‘Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.’ And it was done.

She drank wine, even when discussing her sobriety, and was “constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister… or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels.

She overstayed her welcome at nightclubs and, eventually, the entire trip: Monday morning was supposed to be check-out time, but Lindsay and her posse refused to leave… It was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours—not pretty.

But the absolute best part of the article? This gem:

She said she, “took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan.”

Excuse me for a moment: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAH. *gasps for air* HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh lord. That’s funny, Lindsay. Nice. WWTDD hilariously points out:

One day after Natalie Portman was cast in ‘Black Swan’, Lindsay was announced as a suspect after $400,000 in jewelry was stolen from one of her photo shoots.

Portman went on to win an Academy Award. Lohan went on to steal a Rolex and a necklace and do more coke. So really it sounds like the movie would have been great either way. Portman and Lohan are practically the same person.

Yeah, Lindsay definitely should’ve been cast for that role. THAT would’ve gone over well. I bet instead of shooting the scene where Natalie Portman hallucinates and becomes delusional the director could have installed a hidden camera in Lindsay’s dressing room and used the footage of her talking to herself. “You’re beautiful. You’re a great actress. That Rolex was just borrowed. Those ankle monitors went off on their own. You did nothing wrong. You are the victim. You’re a serious actress.”

Here’s the promo picture for her interview:

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