LeAnn Rimes photographed going out to dinner. *Sammich jokes*

LeAnn Rimes was photographed going out to dinner with her new piece, ………..shit. What’s his name? Hold on.

LeAnn Rimes was photographed going out to dinner with her new piece, Eddie Cibrian. See? It just took me a second. OK I GOOGLED IT, WHATEVER. Eddie’s ex-wife, Brandy, is a new addition to the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast. She’s not a big enough high roller to be an ACTUAL housewife, so I think she’s just on the side trying to create drama, kind of like Kim. G on Real Housewives of New Jersey. LeAnn broke up Eddie and Brandy’s marriage by making Eddie snack on the side with her. She’s a pretty fantastic homewrecker.

Sorry… I’m getting distracted. LeAnn went out to dinner with Eddie and she CLEARLY needs to eat a God damn sandwich. SOMEONE. Quick. Seriously, feed her. She looks so unhealthy. YOu know how hollywood tricks you into thinking they’re healthy when they’re so skinny they’re going to die? THEY GET A SPRAY TAN. Being tan makes you look so much healthier.

But look! I have photoshopped her into the zombie that she really is without a spray tan (or real tan, who knows). If she walked around like this, a la Samantha Ronson, everyone would be all *GASP!* but because she’s got a tan and she’s covering up her bloated malnourished belly with a black tank top, everyone’s all *bbllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-ue-ue-ue-ue-ue-ueeeee*

That was a country music joke. It’s really hard to spell out how she sings that song, I tried my best. So yeah, here’s my busted photoshop job:

And yes, I’m available for contract work to photoshop you into a beautiful creature. I charge $50/hour and demand Cheeze-Its and Mountain Dew as a provided snack.

In honor of Leann Rimes looking like a zombie now, here’s a video to refresh your memory of what she used to look like, 50 pounds ago and before the veneers.

(OH YEAH. And just to remind you, here’s what Leann looked like covering Shape Magazine in October 2010. Which means this photo was probably taken… what…. August 2010? She had more meat on her bones, but you can mostly notice the difference in her face. Her face is so hollow now. Poor thing. Really, it’s sad.)

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