This turkey is a terrorist.

Some obnoxious news producer was shocked, SHOCKED, that when she confronted a turkey terrorist, that the turkey chased her. Even though she was there to do a story about this crazy turkey. Maybe she should’ve brought a bat with her. Or something to defend herself, like a baster.

The mailman couldn’t even stop him! My favorite part was when the turkey literally stalked her ass and circled her car. The moment when he went into stealth mode and poked its head over the hood? That must’ve been terrifying for that poor, poor producer. Imagine the fear she must’ve experienced. WHAT IF THAT TURKEY PECKED ITS WAY INTO THE VEHICLE WITH HIS LITTLE BEAK? What would she do? Would she get to say goodbye to her family? Here’s her perspective of the story, via NEWS10 Sacramento:

After hearing neighbors’ stories of wild turkeys chasing down joggers and other residents in an Arden- area neighborhood, News10 producer Duffy Kelly went out for a firsthand look. Duffy said she “didn’t want to take the ‘Terrible Tom’ stories at face value,” so she went to the neighborhood and tried to walk past one of the birds.

Duffy had her camera rolling for her unexpected turkey run. Neighbors told Duffy the turkeys have been in the area for years and usually scurry away when folks walk by. They say only recently two turkeys broke off from the flock and are intent on standing guard in their own empty lot.

Some people are carrying sticks to frighten off the turkeys, but neighbors say they don’t want any harm to come to them. They just want friendlier neighbors.

I loved the, “Neighbors say they don’t want any harm to come to them.” llloooolll. If there was a crazy turkey like that in my neighborhood, I’m pretty sure it would take 48 hours for someone to go country on that turkey and eat it for dinner. No joke. IT’S A TURKEY. It has a brain the size of a gumball. Eat it. EAT THE TURKEY. Make cold turkey sandwiches for a week afterward. That turkey could be the best thing to happen to you! I also loved the “Coming Up” section at the end of the article, describing what hard-hitting journalism is coming down the pipeline from NEWS10 in Sacramento:

On Monday, October 10, beginning with our 5 a.m newscast, News10 will follow up on Duffy’s “turkey attack,” the neighborhoods that are affected, how you can protect yourself, and what can be done to prevent wildlife from getting too wild.

Some viewers say they love the turkeys.  The birds add to the beauty of the lush landscaping and winding creek roads, and they help create an unmatched country feel in suburbia.

But others say they don’t like the turkeys scratching up their yards and taking over.  And as you see on our viral video, the turkeys can get the upper hand on passersby.

Find out why the turkey population is increasing, and what you can do to preserve the beauty of this wild bird while protecting yourself.

“What can be done to prevent wildlife from getting too wild” lulz. EAT. THE. F*CKING. TURKEY. That’s how you can prevent it from happening.

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