Virgin Diaries LIVE BLOGGING. Tune in with me, don’t forget the condoms.

I can’t contain the excitement!!!! You ready? I’m ready. Let’s go. Newest updates at the top, so if you’re just now joining…. start at the bottom and work your way up.

I’m also updating on Twitter….follow there too!

10:00 PM – NOOOOOOOOOOO. It’s over? :( This is the best show. EVAR.

9:59 PM – Ryan and Shanna after their wedding night. hahaha “It was good but not as good as I was expecting.” “The movies make it seem a lot easier than it is.” Uhhhh, no. You’re just bad at it. Also…… WHY ARE THEY LICKING EACH OTHER’S TONGUES. Gross.

9:58 PM – I KNEW IT. He didn’t do it. Poor Carey. I’m glad he didn’t do it with that lady. She was a little too eager.

9:56 PM – Wow, this triple date ended up working out really well. THEY’RE ALL VIRGINS. I bet the reclaimed virgin feels like a whore.

9:54 PM – Man. Commercial break. Probably the last one before 10. Do I think Shanna and Ryan had sex? Yes. Do I think Carey will get laid? Sadly, no. I sure hope he does. But…. I feel like somehow it’ll still get messed up. Or that lady’s a huge tease.

9:51 PM – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA OH MY GOD. “Don’t be scared.” That girl is all up in his biz. “There’s…. a 100% chance you can get laid tonight.”

9:49 PM – Carey has some good friends. They all are going to get him laid tonight.

9:46 PM This is going to be amazing. They’re all talking about how they’re going to meet their future husbands. THAT IS WHAT CRAZY GIRLS DO. Also, she has a car decal that says “love lasts forever.” That’s like advertising your crazy.

9:45 PM – HAHAHA, Poor guy could barely carry her over the threshold. He was struggling.

9:45 PM – For the record, the bride’s dad just said he wants to be a fly on the wall. On their honeymoon.

9:43 PM – That dude is so overwhelmed. Shanna is way too into it. Way to put pressure on a man.

9:41 PM – Commercials? Ugh. I don’t ever want it to end. I love this show so much. SO MUCH

9:39 PM – OK, so Stephanie TOTALLY bailed and isn’t going to bone him. She’s going to “friend him on Facebook.” that bitch. But it looks like Carey is going to have sex with the older woman at the bar that licked his BALD. ASS. HEAD. THIS SHOW IS AWESOME.

9:38 PM – hahahaha, I love Stephanie too.

9:37 PM – “Why is she kissing me? AH?” that is NOT the reaction you should have. I think that dude just figured out that he’s not attracted to women, because that’s not the reaction you should have, hahaha. I can’t wait for the post-sex interview.

9:36 PM – OH MY GOD. HE’S SINGING NOW. OH GOD. Can this get any more awkward? OH MY GODDDDDD. SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP. I hate when people sing for each other. OH MY GOD. Their kissing. OH GOD. MAKE IT STOP. MAKE;lkJS;lfk ja;sdlkfj a;sdkjf ;alskdjf

9:34 PM – It’s sad that all the focus on their wedding day was about kissing and sex instead of like…..getting married. But holy shit, that was so awkward. The look on their face before they walked down the aisle was awesome. He’s like “I waited 20+ years for THAT?”

9:31 PM – Oh my gosh. I literally just covered my eyes and yelped out of embarrassment.

9:30 PM OH MY GOSH THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWKWARDLKADJ:AS:D:LKASD:LKASJD:LAKSJ:DLK His dad face palmed. “They looked like they wanted eat each other’s face.”

9:29 PM – She got crotchless underwear? Oh Jesus. That poor dude is going to last about 30 seconds. She’s going to be so disappointed.

WHERE DID ALL MY UPDATES GO FROM 9:22 PM to 9:29 PM? Laaaaaame.

9:25 PM I’m glad that Carey’s date was cool about him being a virgin instead of being like, “WHATTTTTT?” hahhaa, “what are your plans for tonight?” She’s down. Dude’s gettin’ laid.

9:22 PM – OMG. You guys. I love Carey so much. Sorry I keep saying it. But I really do. I wanna boop his nose. I hope he gets laid. *SLOW CLAP*

9:21 PM – “Maybe he will be my Mr. Right” Yeah, the Mr. Right that never calls you again because you’re cray cray.

9:20 PM – What’s your timeline for wanting to get married and having kids? OH MY GOD WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT THIS. Girls are so. freaking. crazy. Hahahahahaha his face when she said she was still a virgin.

9:28 PM – *whispers* “Are you a virgin?” Awwwww, her reaction is cute. “Do you have a subscription to anything? how do you get your energy out?” “I take care of it.” hahahahaha, AKA “I MASTURBATE. A LOT.”

9:27 PM – Aw, Stephanie is cute. He’s getting her drunk so she’s more likely to do ’em.

9:26 PM – “I get ready way way way too early.” HAHAHA…. We all do that, Carey. We all do. You’re just strong enough to admit it.

9:25 People that can run without headphones are so much stronger than me. I admire them. I can NOT do that.

9:19 PM – Ohhh, that explains it. They’ve only talked on the phone and he’s never seen what she looks like. HAHAHA. Poor dude.

9:18 PM – Dude. Her date is actually cute. WHAT THE HELL. Why can’t I get cute dates like that? :-P

9:18 PM – TWENTY THREE WEDDINGS in one summer? I don’t even think I have 23 friends.

9:17 PM “My rockstar is going to be strong in character and will sweep me off my feet. ” She forgot to say “and likes fat chicks”

9:16 PM  – “Most women know within 5 seconds if they’ll sleep with you or not.”
“Oh, I need to make an entrance, then. Maybe I should have a fog machine.” hahaha

9:15 PM – You guys. I love Carey.

9:15 PM – “I’m not a virgin entirely by choice.” And by that he means he’s not a virgin by choice AT. ALL.

9:10 PM – Why does this guy tell everyone and anyone that they haven’t kissed or sloppy-banged yet? His SUIT MAKER knows? I mean…. hawkward. Stop telling everyone, weirdo.

9:09 PM – Homegirl is crying about the fact that she’s not going to be a virgin in a few days. RED FLAG, DUDE. RED FLAG. You need to RUN. Run far away.

9:08 PM – Why are they giving each other back rubs? Why is their no explanation to this shit?

9:07 PM – Oh my gosh, 3 virgins living together. Do you think their Craigslist ad was like “VIRGINS ONLY” …. a reclaimed virgin? WHAT?

9:06 PM – The mom just acted like he told her he was gay. Or like, some huge revelation. ALL HE SAID WAS HE WAS A VIRGIN and it was like *crickets* hahaha I love how she’s like “you need to get that taken care of.” If I told my parents I was a virgin I’m pretty sure they’d cry, and throw me a party.

9:05 PM – Awww man, they’re making him go talk to his MOM?? What producer had this amazing idea? THIS IS SO AWESOME I LOVE THIS SHOW.

9:04 PM – “The music is to cover up the funny noises. And the lights off is to cover up the funny facial expressions.”

9:03 PM – Awwww…Carey. I love Carey. “I was in a girl’s dorm and she started to play with me with her foot and I was like what’re you doing?” hahahahaha

9:02 PM – Wait a second…. THAT GIRL HAS ACTUALLY KISSED SOMEONE BEFORE? So she has absolutely no excuse for her inability to kiss. He does….SHE…does not.

9:01 PM – OMGGGGGGGGG. That guy needs a sammich so bad! He’s a skeletor!

9:00 PM – “I want to get a piece of the action. I don’t even care if it’s special.” hahahaha. I like that dude.

8:58 PM – The new wife had a baby and offered one of the other wives to be her surrogate… so… LET ME MAKE SURE WE’RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE. The woman that just had a baby is going to carry her HUSBAND’S BABY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. Yes. TLC is amazing.

8:56 PM – I’m watching TLC until the show comes on, and The Sister Wives is on. TLC has the best crazy shows. They’re showing the newest baby, probably baby 26, being born. And there’s some Jesus song playing. They named their baby Solomon. *facepalm*

One response

  1. I will have to tune into your next live blogging session! This is a laughing riot!

    December 6, 2011 at 9:59 AM

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